S01E01 - Fundraiser
No: 1 | Season: 1 Episode: 1 | Air Date: 22-Apr-12
VP Selina Meyer wants to make the implementation of a Clean Jobs Commission her main legacy, but then a Tweet from a staffer annoys the plastics industry, she makes an offensive joke at a fundraiser, and her chief of staff forgetfully signs her own name on a condolence card for the wife of a senator who just died.
Director and Writers
Director: Armando Iannucci
Story by: Armando Iannucci
Teleplay by: Armando Iannucci & Simon Blackwell
Dan: Jesus f**king Christ. All right, look, watch me, autismo. You take the little pod, put the little pod in the f**king hole, shut the f**king lid, hit the f**king button for two f**king seconds. Oh, it's so easy.
Gary: Too quick, I didn't see it.
Dan: Yeah, well, next time pack an espresso machine in your big f**kin' bitch bag.
Amy: So, Dan, Are you enjoying working for Hallowes?
Dan: Not really. She's middle of the road. She's mediocre, really. Of all the -ocres, she's the mediest.
Gary: (about the coffee machine) Do I add water to this machine? It's like a robot.
Dan: It's a nice bag, Gary.
Amy: You know, he calls that "The Leviathan."
Dan: Ooh, you got the nuclear codes in there, buddy?
Gary: (still about the machine) Is there a pouch or something that I put into this?
Selina: Okay. What do you think of Dan?
Amy: Oh, Dan is a shit.
Selina: You want to expand on that?
Amy: Sure. He's a massive and total shit. When you first meet him, you think surely to God this man can't be as big a shit as he seems, but he is.
Selina: See, I--
Amy: 'Cause like if there were a book with covers made of shit, you'd think "That's intriguing. I wonder what's in this book that they saw fit to give it covers made of pure shit." And then you open it and... shit.
Dan: I really admired your primaries campaign.
Selina: Oh, how nice. Thank you very much.
Dan: Two things I would have done differently.
Selina: Two things? Oh, no kidding. What are they?
Dan: I think you spent too much time in New Hampshire. That was in the bag. And the attack ads in Oregon came up four days too soon, made you seem mean before you had to be. But, I mean, hey, you're the old pro here.
Dan: You're the pro.
Hallowes: Hey, did you fire your tweet monkey yet? Because that guy is a weapons-grade retard.
Selina: I know.
Hallowes: I think you might have been hoist by your own retard there.
Dan: (laughs) That's a good one.
Mike: Just a small change in the speech.
Selina: What is that?
Mike: Plastics apparently talked to the President. The White House doesn't want us mentioning oil or cornstarch or plastic. Just wing it.
Selina: This has been pencil-f**ked completely?
Mike: Uh, yes, front and back. Very little romance.
Selina: That's the entire speech, okay? What's left here? I've got "hello" and I have... prepositions.
Dan: Take a good look at me, okay? Now ask yourself something, Mike. Is the man you're looking at gonna be in a position a year from now working above you or below you? 'Cause all ambition you had left your body a long time ago and now all you've got left in the last 10 remaining years of your working life is a damp apartment, cold crab cakes, and an invisible f**king dog.
Notes and Trivia
|Starring||Julia Louis-Dreyfus||Selina Meyer|
|Starring||Anna Chlumsky||Amy Brookheimer|
|Starring||Tony Hale||Gary Walsh|
|Starring||Reid Scott||Dan Egan|
|Starring||Timothy Simons||Jonah Ryan|
|Starring||Matt Walsh||Mike McLintock|
|Starring||Sufe Bradshaw||Sue Wilson|
|Guest Starring||Kate Burton||Barbara Hallowes|
|Guest Starring||David DeBoy||Phil Dorsey|
|Guest Starring||Wil Love||Phillip Dorsey|
|Guest Starring||Timothy Hayes Lynch||Mike Dudley|
|Guest Starring||Michael Mack||Paul Burton|
|Guest Starring||Kevin Murray|
|Guest Starring||Kirk Penberthy||Introducing Senator|