S05E10 - Inauguration

No: 48  |   Season: 5   Episode: 10  |   Air Date: 26-Jun-16  

Summary

Everyone is set for Tom James to become President, however a new power play installs Laura Montez as President instead. As Montez is inaugurated as President, Selina faces the fact she will never again be the President of the United States.

Director and Writers

Director: Becky Martin
Story by: Jim Margolis
Teleplay by:

Quotes

Tom: Vice President Meyer's got a nice familiar ring to it.
Selina: No, it doesn't.
Tom: Vice president, take it or leave it.
Selina: I wouldn't be your veep if there were a grassy knoll full of Jodie Foster fans in the front row at your inauguration.

Selina: General George Washington could climb out of his grave right now and I would rather eat out his zombified wooden a**hole twice a day than be his vice f**king f**king anything!

Kent: Last night I ran a flash poll on presidential scholars. They have rated you the 43rd most effective president ever.
Mike: Out of how many?
Kent: 44. You were right ahead of James Buchanan, who many feel caused the Civil War.
Selina: Kent, can you give a girl some warning next time before you jam it in the back door?
Kent: Data gives no warning, ma'am

Amy: Any chance Marjorie and Catherine want to get married?
Dan: There you go, first White House lesbian wedding. That'll get you in the history books.
Selina: Oh, God. I can't take that much acoustic guitar.

Selina: I want my Nobel Peace Prize! Legacy!
Ben: Legacy meeting adjourned.

Dan: Think I'm gonna need an agent, you know, someone who can take the Dan Egan brand to the next level.
Amy: Too bad Goebbels killed himself.

Selina: The only president to pee sitting down since FDR. Is that gonna be my legacy, Ben? Is it?
Ben: Well, I pee sitting down sometimes if it's gonna be a longy.

Selina: Okay, we've got to make Tibet happen. Go through the Qataris, okay? I bet there are a dozen of them right now at the Georgetown Four Seasons. Go to a Lamborghini dealership, you know? Wherever they have prostitutes. These guys could help you.

Richard: I'm finished with your brag wall. All the photos of you with the Washington elite.
Jonah: Are there any pictures where the president isn't yelling at me?

Jonah: (to Richard) I'm getting kind of hungry. Do you think you could find a lobbyist to take me out to lunch short notice? Try for Big Pharma. I hear they do The Palm.

Jonah: (to the male interns) I want you guys to get used to two things killing it daily on the Hill and nights rated PG-squirteen.
Interns: Baller.

Selina: Forgive me, President Lu, but I'm afraid I have to go and attend to the vote that is happening right now in our Senate. But feel free to follow along on the television or perhaps on one of the many bugs that you've planted throughout the White House.

Selina: God, I hate this country.
Gary: I know.

Gary: You f**kers. How dare you? That magnificent woman counted on you and you losers let her down.
Dan: (on the phone) Yeah, I got to call you back. Something amazing is happening.
Gary: All you f**king cared about was your stupid, bad selves. Your numbers your numbers are garbage. Your speeches, garbage. And you're supposed to give her advice? Is that right? All I heard was dumb, stupid I don't know what the f**k it was. Garbage?
Tom: Gary...
Gary: Oh, shut up! You screwed her the worst. In all the ways. (laughing) Oh, I know I know you make fun of me and I know that you think that I'm funny and I'm funny, ha, ha, ha. Well, at least I cared. I did my job! I f**king cared!
Ben: Well, that just kind of made this whole year worth it.

Ben: Are you here selling a young adult fiction idea, too? Mine takes place in an alternate timeline where overweight, alcoholic ex-chiefs of staff are considered a sexual prize.
Kent: Alternate timelines are a crutch for lazy sci-fi premises, e.g., "Star Trek" with the exception of "Deep Space Nine."
Ben: You should try your hand at romance novels.
Kent: I have.

Selina: I mean, if I had had 100 Richards, who knows what I could have done?
Richard: Probably a lot. Or it could turn out like one of those "Twilight Zone" scenarios where we all murder each other.

Selina: I don't even remember how to drive... I need a wallet... and stamps, I've got to get stamps.

Richard: My auntie used to talk about loneliness like that... We were pretty, pretty close, especially 'cause my mother was so much older. Old enough to be my grandmother, as a matter of fact.
Selina: Yeah.
Richard: Maybe my auntie was actually my real mother and my mother was actually my grandmother. Ah, wow, that's starting to make a whole lot of sense. Everybody knew about it but me, too.

Gary: Okay, you listen to me. Listen to me. They can take away your presidency, they can take away your power, they can take away your dignity, but what is the one thing that they cannot take away from you?
Selina: My beauty.
Gary: That's right. Let's go!

Furlong: (to Jonah) Take off those f**king glasses. You look like Clark Kent if they dug up Christopher Reeve's corpse to play the part.

Mike: This is Ellen, our new big girl. She's three.
Kent: Mike, she has the head circumference of a six-year-old.
Ellen: I'm six.
Mike: What did she say?

Selina: And where exactly in Ohio are you from, Laura?
Laura Montez: Um, well, I grew up right outside of Cleveland, but after, you know, 15 years, I feel like I am 100% New Mexican.
Selina: New Mexican, but not Mexican?
(Silence)

Selina: Why'd you do it, Andrew? I offered you secretary of state.
Doyle: You offered it to everybody in town.
Selina: Your head is so far up Montez's ass. Next time it's Alejandro's birthday, he's gonna come all over your face.
Doyle: Oh. (laughs gleefully)
Selina: That's the truth.

Tom: Madam President.
Selina: Oh, Senator James.
Tom: An historic day for womankind. What'd you think of the speech?
Selina: I had no idea her tits were that big.

The Eagle: Selina, good news. We found the missing Nevada ballots. You won.

Notes and Trivia

None

Goofs

None

Cast

StarringJulia Louis-DreyfusSelina Meyer
StarringAnna ChlumskyAmy Brookheimer
StarringTony HaleGary Walsh
StarringReid ScottDan Egan
StarringTimothy SimonsJonah Ryan
StarringMatt WalshMike McLintock
StarringKevin DunnBen Cafferty
StarringSufe BradshawSue Wilson
StarringGary ColeKent Davison
StarringSam RichardsonRichard Splett
Guest StarringDan BakkedahlRoger Furlong
Guest StarringHugh LaurieTom James
Guest StarringMartin MullBob Bradley
Guest StarringPhil ReevesAndrew Doyle
Guest StarringTzi MaLu Chi-Jang
Guest StarringJohn SlatteryCharlie Baird
Guest StarringScott AdsitGreg
Guest StarringUsman AllyAmbassador Al Jaffar
Guest StarringJessica ChaffinCongresswoman Gellardi
Guest StarringClea DuVallMarjorie Palmiotti
Guest StarringNelson FranklinWill
Guest StarringMeredith HagnerDebralee
Guest StarringHector HugoAlejandro Montez
Guest StarringPhil LaMarrPaul Graves
Guest StarringJ.P. ManouxCongressman Clark
Guest StarringKathy NajimyWendy Keegan
Guest StarringMatt ObergBuddy Calhoun
Guest StarringRick Overton
Guest StarringDavid RascheJim Marwood
Guest StarringAndrea SavageLaura Montez
Guest StarringSarah SutherlandCatherine Meyer
Guest StarringWayne WildersonWayne
Co-StarringRobert ArceSenator Summerlin
Co-StarringLawrence Ballard
Co-StarringBonnie Bentley
(as Bonnie Bentely)
Emily
Co-StarringAlan BrooksSenator Lowell
Co-StarringJohn BozemanSenator Nelson
Co-StarringMelvin CaldwellSenator Murray
Co-StarringLee ChenFemale Translator
Co-StarringKate ComerSecretary
Co-StarringNoel Dawn Rebello
(as Noel Dawnrebello)
Caterina Montez
Co-StarringBen Elliot
Co-StarringNico Evers-SwindellColt
Co-StarringLeslie Fleming-MitchellSenator Willis
Co-StarringDeb HiettWhite House Reporter #1
Co-StarringWaymond LeeSenator Yinui
Co-StarringAbbey McBrideDoctor
Co-StarringBrando McKenzieAlonzo Montez
Co-StarringOwen McKenzieJorge Montez
Co-StarringMonnae MichaellSenate Clerk
Co-StarringSean O'PryBrady
Co-StarringFrank RichChief Justice
Co-StarringMorgan SmithCandi Caruso
Co-StarringYoshua SudarsoMason
Co-StarringSterling SuliemanStorm
Co-StarringJean VillepiqueNY Times Reporter