S06E01 - Omaha

No: 49  |   Season: 6   Episode: 1  |   Air Date: 16-Apr-2017  

You know what being an ex-president is like? ItYou know what being an ex-president is like? It's like being a man's nipple. People go right by it to jerk off a dick.

Summary

One year after losing the presidency, Selina attempts to secure her legacy. Dan tries to ingratiate himself at his new job. Amy's brash D.C.-style personality proves too much for her new co-workers.

Director and Writers

Director: David Mandel
Story by: Lew Morton
Teleplay by:

Quotes

Amy: This is a big day, people. Campaign starts right now, because we are going to make Buddy Calhoun the next governor of this dried coyote turd of a state.

Buddy: Reminder Nevada is the Sagebrush State...
Amy: Yeah, so saddle up those emphysema tanks, you inbred cousin-f**kers, 'cause we are going to drag this state into the 20th century. That's right, I said 20th.

Selina: I'm doing my best to help the scholars of the future reckon with the Meyer years.
Dan: Year.

Uber Guy: (to Ben) Here at Uber and in the rest of the world the word Chinaman is considered inappropriate.
Ben: No, no, no. It's okay. My wife is Oriental. All of them have been. I kind of got yellow fev-ah.

Jonah: When I was a kid, I ate sloppy Joes, pizza on a bagel. The only green bean I ate was a green jelly bean and I grew up to be so tall, my stupid mom had to get a different car.

Selina: I've heard she's a complete gash and a half.

Selina: I feel like we're celebrating my frat house gang rape. Except I didn't even get a candlelight vigil.
Gary: I love candles.

Selina: You got to call Wilner at the "Times".
Richard: "Indianapolis Times," got it.

Andrew: I got an unofficial lunch with a potential big foreign donor for the Meyer Fund.
Richard: That could get us into trouble down the line.
Andrew: Senor Ocampo is having trouble nudging his visas through, so I called our friends over at the State Department.
Richard: That definitely will.

Furlong: (to a bald Jonah) A minute of your time, Congressman Powder?

Furlong: Do you know what the chief agricultural product of my district in Ohio is? I'll give you a hint looks like Will's wife's cl*t.
Jonah: Mangos?

Selina: Son of a Sam. Offices in the South Bronx? I can't stand this anymore.
Gary: We should be in the Meatpacking District. It's so chic.

Selina: This is the worst place they've ever stuffed an ex-president, and I'm including JFK's coffin.
Gary: Ooh, I'm gonna get you the same one.

Selina: You know what being an ex-president is like? It's like being a man's nipple. People go right by it to jerk off a dick.

Selina: Richard, from now on, I am going to be only about speaking engagements. Okay? Cha-king, cha-king, cha-king! Right?
Gary: It's cha-ching, cha-ching.
Selina: No, it's cha-king.

Marjorie: No, sir, ma'am. We can't do anything about AIDS.
Selina: Who are you, Ronald Reagan?

Selina: Get me whoever painted Ambassador Stone's wife and made her look like not a twat.

Buddy: Hey, babe?
Amy: We found a video of a woman who says she did cocaine with Governor Steptoe's wife in college.
Buddy: Wow.
Amy: Hey, Purple Mountain's Majesty, we need to put together an attack ad yester-the-f**k-day, so give me five options from "party girl" to "coke whore for c**k," you know?
Buddy: Oh, you know what? I actually went to high school with Kristin Steptoe and she's a lovely gal, so...
Amy: My guess is if you gave her a rail to snort off your dick, she would let you f**k the hole in her septum.

Jonah: I had to go through six weeks of chemotherapy. All my hair fell out, including my pubes, Dan.
Dan: Come on, you never had any pubes.

Dan: (to Jonah) Jesus, you look like you should be underground worshipping an atomic bomb, you human f**king Pap smear.

Amy: I am not some teased-haired casino cooze who will let you ji** all over her face with a handful of chips.
Buddy: I like that. Keep going.

Selina: I'm so sorry to hear about Uber.
Ben: Oh, God. A bunch of dumb-ass millennials, you know, too lazy to learn how to drive drunk.

Ben: Shlomo Tanz is radioactive. He can read the newspaper on the toilet by the light of his own shit.

Attendant: Right here, Madam President.
Gary: Do you want window or aisle?
Selina: I don't want anything here.

Notes and Trivia

None

Goofs

None

Cast

StarringJulia Louis-DreyfusSelina Meyer
StarringAnna ChlumskyAmy Brookheimer
StarringTony HaleGary Walsh
StarringReid ScottDan Egan
StarringTimothy SimonsJonah Ryan
StarringMatt WalshMike McLintock
StarringKevin DunnBen Cafferty
StarringGary ColeKent Davison
StarringSam RichardsonRichard Splett
Guest StarringDan BakkedahlRoger Furlong
Guest StarringKathy NajimyWendy Keegan
Guest StarringSarah SutherlandCatherine Meyer
Guest StarringMargaret ColinJane McCabe
Guest StarringClea DuVallMarjorie Palmiotti
Guest StarringNelson FranklinWill
Guest StarringJ.P. ManouxCongressman Clark
Guest StarringMatt ObergBuddy Calhoun
Guest StarringDavid PasquesiAndrew Meyer
Guest StarringPaul ScheerStevie
Co-StarringSara AminiSecretary
Co-StarringLeila JoeEllen McLintock
Co-StarringAnne LaneAssistant
Co-StarringDean LiUber Exec #2
Co-StarringKyra LockeFlight Attendant
Co-StarringHeather McPhaulTracy
Co-StarringVictor PaganHomeless Man
Co-StarringWayne Alon ScottCBS Crew
Co-StarringJack De SenaHayden
Co-StarringVincent TeixeiraSecret Service Agent
Co-StarringAbby WallaUber Employee