S06E04 - Justice

No: 52  |   Season: 6   Episode: 4  |   Air Date: 7-May-2017  

II'm just the cream filling in this gay-clair.

Summary

Selina and her team attend the funeral of a Supreme Court justice. Amy works on securing a location for Selina's library. Dan tries to maintain his upswing with Jane, his co-host. Jonah finds an issue.

Director and Writers

Director: Dale Stern
Story by: Rachel Axler
Teleplay by:

Quotes

Selina: Jesus Beverly Christ, I'm starving.

Selina: Eastern Shore, very classy. Fittingly, I lost my back-virginity in Assateague.
Richard: I once lost my wallet in Denver.

Sherman: Madam President, because of the actions of misguided reformers, our prison system is in grave danger of dropping below 135% occupancy.
Selina: Well, I think that I'm partially to blame for that because I let you out of one.

Selina: Gary, put CNN on right now.
Amy: Oh, it's CNN.com.
Selina: Oh, well, nobody looks at that.

Selina: God damn it, you guys, I am so hot. Oh. My tits feel like these hot pockets.
Mike: Do we have any Hot Pockets?

Gary: Good news is without the tampons, it's gonna free up some space in my bag.
Selina: Where are you gonna put yours?

CNN Commenter: Well, Meyer certainly would be a super left field choice
Selina: Super left field? I mean, is that even a position?
Gary: Mm-hmm, that was my position in Little League.
Richard: I was a pitcher's helper.

Selina: Well, hand me a cracker and spread it up with "I Can't Believe It's Not Menopause."
Doctor: We need to get you to a hospital.
Selina: You wanna knock me up, Doc? Just 'cause I can do it.

Catherine: Maybe we're just doing this wrong. I mean, all these tubes and jars. It just it doesn't feel organic.
Marjorie: Well, we could streamline the process. You could have direct sexual intercourse with the donor.
Catherine: Really?
Dan: That's interesting.
Catherine: I mean, I guess if you think that that would work. I'm willing to try anything.
Dan: Why don't we just puppy pile, okay? Then we'll all get a bite to eat afterwards, you know. See a movie or something. You know, we'll make it nice.
Marjorie: It could be interesting.

Selina: Can we get something for Mr. Walsh, please? Because he's the one who's really ailing and at death's door.
Gary: I'm I am? I'm at death's door? Oh, I'm at death's door? Listen, if I don't make it...
Selina: Gary, you're gonna be fine. You have plenty to live for, too.
Gary: (whimpers) I do?
Selina: Of course! Just think next year, you get to go to my library opening. And you get to buy my book.
Gary: Can't you just give me a copy?
Selina: Well, I can't be giving out free copies of the book 'cause think of the position that that would put me in.
Gary: Oh, I'm sorry.

Gary: I'm gonna I'm gonna have a party.
Selina: Oh, really?
Gary: In Alabama.
Selina: Oh, Alabama.
Gary: If I make it, will you come?
Selina: Yes. I will come.

Doctor: Ron Addis, Head of Cardiology.
Selina: Oh, Head of Cardiology for him? (points at Gary)
Doctor: No, ma'am. I'll be placing your stent.
Selina: Okay, thank God.

Selina: If they're wondering why I'm at the hospital, you just put that on Gary 'cause he had a massive heart attack, luckily.

Amy: No photos! (slaps the tablet out of a doctor's hand)
Doctor: I was accessing her medical history!

Jonah: Well, well, well. If it isn't the prodigal traitor come back home to suck on my giant congressional ball.
Richard: No it's Richard Splett.

Gary: Whoo, that Montez is a Latin piece of ass.
Selina: Okay, he's hallucinating.

Selina: This isn't unprecedented either, because President Taft was on the Supreme Court after he was president.
Amy: Yeah, and what's the first thing you remember about him?
Richard: He got stuck in a bathtub?
Selina: No, well, the second thing you remember about him.
Richard: He was buried in a piano case.
Selina: No, that's not right.

Richard: Ooh, Monday, it's the day after Daylight Saving Time. It's my favorite holiday 'cause it's like living in a tiny version of "Back to the Future."

Selina: I feel like my chest has been trampled in a Puerto Rican nightclub fire.
Gary: It's like I'm breathing through a tiny straw, you know?
Selina: Oh, a straw. Yeah, I want a water with a straw.

Selina: No, my legacy, guys, is me in a robe, taking guns from this guy, giving the death penalty to that guy. And they can't vote me out, right? It's for life. They're gonna have to carry me out of there with the gavel clenched in my cold, dead twat.

Richard: And for the vetting the Judiciary Committee has asked to send them everything that you've ever written on abortion.
Selina: Well, I can give them my actual abortion if I could find it lying around here somewhere.
Richard: I'll check the freezer.

Jonah: Are you gonna make a campaign contribution or what?
Sherman: You know what? I am.
Jonah: Getting paid, getting laid, son.
Sherman: Congressman Jonah Ryan.
Jonah: R-Y-A-N.
Sherman: Zero dollars and one cent.

Jonah: I "springed" backwards.
Ben: No, you spring forward!
Jonah: Have ever watched girls gymnastics? That makes no sense.

Ben: Listen to me, you plus-sized homunculus.
Jonah: Plus-sized what?
Kent: Homunculus. A human-shaped creature of medieval legend that Paracelsus claimed was created from putrefied sperm.

Jonah: Hey, Union Leader, come here. Take this down. I'm not gonna suck your dick. The only one who should be sucking your dick is Daylight Savings Time. And I don't give a fuck if that means that some farmer in Kansas has to milk his cow using a fucking flashlight. I've had my own bedtime since I was 17. I didn't need a babysitter then and I don't need one now, and it's high time that the government stop trying to babysit all of us.
Kent: That was all off the record.

(About Selina becoming a Supreme Court Justice)
Gary: It would've been a shame to hide that body under a robe.

Gary: Aw, well, at least you made the short list.
Selina: How are you feeling, by the way?
Gary: Good.
Selina: Then shut the fuck up.

Notes and Trivia

None

Goofs

None

Cast

StarringJulia Louis-DreyfusSelina Meyer
StarringAnna ChlumskyAmy Brookheimer
StarringTony HaleGary Walsh
StarringReid ScottDan Egan
StarringTimothy SimonsJonah Ryan
StarringMatt WalshMike McLintock
StarringKevin DunnBen Cafferty
StarringGary ColeKent Davison
StarringSam RichardsonRichard Splett
Guest StarringSarah SutherlandCatherine Meyer
Guest StarringIvar BroggerDr. Ron Addis
Guest StarringKate BurtonBarbara Hallowes
Guest StarringSusan ChuangFertility Doctor
Guest StarringMargaret ColinJane McCabe
Guest StarringClea DuVallMarjorie Palmiotti
Guest StarringJonathan HadarySherman Tanz
Guest StarringAndrea SavageLaura Montez
Guest StarringPaul ScheerStevie
Guest StarringWayne WildersonWayne
Co-StarringChasty BallesterosCasey
Co-StarringTodd Aaron BrotzeDr. Abernathy
Co-StarringDiana DeLaCruzER Nurse
Co-StarringTisha FrenchICU Nurse
Co-StarringMegan GranoDonna
Co-StarringChaz Kao
Co-StarringLaura Niemi
Co-StarringBella ShawCNN Anchor
Co-StarringHarry ZinnPundit