S06E07 - Blurb

No: 55  |   Season: 6   Episode: 7  |   Air Date: 28-May-2017  

For your information we are called The Jeffersons, probably, and weFor your information we are called The Jeffersons, probably, and we're here to shove some liberty up America's ass.

Summary

Selina tries to finish her book. Selina and her staff prepare for her portrait-unveiling ceremony, while Jonah tries to weasel his way onto the guest list. Dan works on his onscreen-chemistry problem.

Director and Writers

Director: Morgan Sackett
Story by: Ian Maxtone-Graham
Teleplay by:

Quotes

Amy: (Reading from President Montez's speech) "Selina Meyer didn't just shatter the glass ceiling, she swept up every single shard so that my daughter and your daughters will never even know it existed."
Selina: Well, that just tickles my twat! Gosh, Montez is actually gonna say that at my portrait unveiling in English?
Amy: Yeah, in front of 200 of Washington's most important people... and Mike.

Greg Morehouse: We do need a bit more of the presidency in there. I mean, the book ends with you going off to college.
Selina: That's right, yes, and the presidential stuff will be in volume two... "Meyer Ascendant."
Mike: And three... "The Meyer Year."
Greg Morehouse: I get that, and if you wanna stick with this book as is, I completely understand. We're just gonna need our advance back.
Mike: There was an advance?

Rabbi: And Moses led his people to the land of...?
Jonah: Hanukkah.

Jonah: This stupid hat is too small for my head.
Shawnee: Yarmulke.
Jonah: Fine, this stupid hat is too small for my yarmulke.

Selina: Catherine, you are not going to be coy or twee about the sex of my grandchild. This is a human being you're making, not some Brooklyn-based, artisanal chocolate bar.
Marjorie: Birth gender isn't even that relevant. She/he will decide her/his ideal gender when she/he is/are ready.
Selina: Okay, is that how we're talking now, Marjorie, like some sort of bi-curious Porky Pig?

Mike: I had an aunt who transitioned twice. She was trapped inside a man, and then that man was trapped inside of another woman.
Richard: Oh, like a turducken.

Selina: Yeah, but, I mean, does anybody really give a shit about two average-looking lesbians?

Selina: I mean, that book would fly off the shelves. People would pay whatever it is a book costs, you know?

Mike: All due respect, ma'am, we all knew you were, uh... with Kent.
Selina: Kent?! My snatch isn't a data port!

Jonah: How come you guys got invited and I didn't?
Kent: Because we worked for the president
Ben: ...and didn't cost her the presidency. And because we don't look like Herman Munster's brother who liked to molest that pudgy werewolf kid.
Kent: Charlie, also played by Fred Gwynne. Season one, episode nine.

Jonah: Kent, can I have your plus-one?
Kent: No, I'm bringing my jai alai instructor. Female.
Ben: Ish.

Selina: Well, I guess I will have to think outside my box.

Selina: Oh, my God, why did I have to fuck the last remaining gentleman in Washington? God!
Tom: Who said that? Was that Dolley Madison?
Selina: It was James Madison.

Selina: Well, he just begged me not to put it in.
Mike: So, none of it goes in the book?
Selina: No, it all goes in.

Jonah: Hey, did you get invited to the Meyer unveiling?
Roger Furlong: Everyone was unless you're a mole person who was cast out of his underground society for keistering sewer rats.

Jonah: Why are women always checking in on one another when I am talking to them?

Selina: No, see, you gotta find a different word than "screwed."
Mike: It's just hard to come up with so many different ways to curse.

Selina: "Vanity Fair?" Mike, how did we not know about this?
Mike: They called me a couple months ago and I thought they were trying to get me to renew my prescription.
Selina: Subscription!

Selina: This is like Black History Month. It never fucking ends!

Gary: Do you want me to 69 him?
Selina: Oh, 86.
Gary: Yeah.

Gary: Nobody since Jackie has given as much for their country as you.
Selina: That is true.
Gary: If Jackie Kennedy can go through the day with her husband's philandering brains all over her dress and her head held high, looking stunning, even though they made her ride around in a convertible like an animal, I might add, you can go to the White House tomorrow and forget all about those 15 minutes where he couldn't even unzip the back of your dress.
Selina: Wait a minute, what? How do you know that?
Gary: It was in Mike's notes.

Selina: If one person mentions Tom James to me, I'm gonna go piss in that punch bowl.
Gary: This country doesn't deserve you.

Selina: What is this Dixie cup shit show? It's like we teleported to post-Katrina Mississippi.
Gary: I know! There's no tablecloths.
Selina: Montez is really taking this Mexican thing too far.

Ben: As of a few minutes ago, Jonah and his merry band of jizz huffers drove their short bus right into the debt ceiling vote and T-boned the entire US economy.

Selina: Look at my neck. I have pardoned turkeys with fewer waddles. My neck does not look like that.
Gary: No, it doesn't.

Selina: Jesus Christ, underage Muslim brides are less traumatized at their unveiling.
Gary: And even they don't have to drink Coke Zero.

Jonah: A lot of people are saying that I shut down the government. You're damn right, I did! I shut down the government for wasting our money. I shut down the government for interfering with our clocks and watches. I shut down the post office because everybody just uses email anyway. I shut down NPR because they're a total snoozefest, and they said this shutdown was a bad idea. I shut down the national parks so that your parents will have to take you someplace cool on vacation, like Disney World or Cancun or Mexico. Are there any questions?
Shawnee: The congressman will not be taking any questions.
Jonah: The congressman will not be taking any questions.

Notes and Trivia

None

Goofs

None

Cast

StarringJulia Louis-DreyfusSelina Meyer
StarringAnna ChlumskyAmy Brookheimer
StarringTony HaleGary Walsh
StarringReid ScottDan Egan
StarringTimothy SimonsJonah Ryan
StarringMatt WalshMike McLintock
StarringKevin DunnBen Cafferty
StarringGary ColeKent Davison
StarringSam RichardsonRichard Splett
Guest StarringDan BakkedahlRoger Furlong
Guest StarringHugh LaurieTom James
Guest StarringSarah SutherlandCatherine Meyer
Guest StarringD'Arcy CardenPresidential Assistant
Guest StarringJessica ChaffinCongresswoman Gellardi
Guest StarringIndia de BeaufortBrie Ramachandran
Guest StarringClea DuVallMarjorie Palmiotti
Guest StarringNelson FranklinWill
Guest StarringMichael HitchcockGreg Morehouse
Guest StarringMary HollandShawnee Tanz
Guest StarringJ.P. ManouxCongressman Clark
Guest StarringDavid RascheJim Marwood
Guest StarringAndrea SavageLaura Montez
Guest StarringMorgan SmithCandi Caruso
Guest StarringPaul ScheerStevie
Co-StarringPhil AbramsRabbi
Co-StarringMichael Christian Alexander
Co-StarringBill Lee BrownChief White House Usher
Co-StarringJayk GallagherJohn Corbin
Co-StarringCrystal HayesAlethia James
Co-StarringAmeenah KaplanWhite House Staff
Co-StarringPalma Lawrence ReedClerk
Co-StarringMayank SaxenaNikhil