S03E02 - The Choice

No: 20  |   Season: 3   Episode:  |   Air Date: 13-Apr-14  

The only crack you're going to see belongs to some guy in a shower.

Summary

Selina and her staff try to choose a side on a big issue; Jonah stirs chaos with his blog, angering Dan; Mike is called into work from his honeymoon.

Director and Writers

Director: Becky Martin
Story by: Armando Iannucci & Roger Drew & Ian Martin
Teleplay by: Roger Drew & Ian Martin

Quotes

Dan: Look, I love abortion, okay? I am an abortionado. But I would go pro-life in a fetal f**king heartbeat if it meant winning.

Gary: About the campaign, I had an idea.
Selina: (handing him a used sanitary wipe) Here you go.
Gary: Instead of doing all this pre-campaigning, sometime in the next 24 hours, you grab a mic, you say, "I'm Selina Meyer, and I'm running for President of the United States."
Selina: I'm just gonna use the bathroom really quick.
Dan: You don't announce your candidacy while the incumbent is still warm. That's like trying to bang the widow at the funeral. You would have hear start her campaign with no strategy, no money, no staff except for (indicating himself...) Superman and (...and Amy) Wonder Woman over there, just, (super-cutesy) "I wanna be President."
Gary: Ma'am, I don't know if you just heard what he was saying...
Selina: No, I didn't hear what he was saying, but I agree with Dan. I completely appreciate your ideas, Gary.
Dan: No matter how dumb they are.

Guy in boat: Hey, I voted for you!
Selina: Thank you very much, sir! But I'm afraid you have to go to prison!

Dan: We need to pick a number.
Selina: No, I know, but I need to get clarity here. I'm not feeling it.
Dan: I was clear! I was clear! We just need to pick a f**king number, any f**king number. Give that f**king number to the f**king press, and go to f**king bed! I mean, how much more clarity do you need? You want to print it on a f**king t-shirt? Come on! (long awkward pause) I'm so sorry. I did not mean to blow up like that.
Selina: Well, um, I accept your apology while retaining the right to fire the f**k out of you. Shall I print that up on a T-shirt that I could give to you?

Notes and Trivia

None

Goofs

None

Cast