S05E02 - Nev-ah-da

No: 40  |   Season: 5   Episode:  |   Air Date: 1-May-16  

You are not Michael Jordan. You are a seven-foot-seven goony-looking Lithuanian...You are not Michael Jordan. You are a seven-foot-seven goony-looking Lithuanian...


Amy, Dan, Jonah and Richard travel to Carson City, Nevada in an attempt to force a judicial recount of the state. Meanwhile, back in Washington D.C., Selina brings in Bob Bradley (Martin Mull), a respected Washington fixture nicknamed "The Eagle", as an advisor. Tom James has been moved aside to his role as the leader of the banking task force, and for some reason he is suddenly agreeable about everything. Selina meets billionaire banker Charlie Baird and suddenly decides he is "spongeworthy", much to the chagrin of Gary. Mike goes on a master cleanse, in an attempt to get healthy before his adopted baby arrives. However, his blood sugar dips dangerously (and humorously). Kent is fascinated by Sue's age, as he perceives she is much older than she appears. After successfully forcing a judicial recount in Nevada, Amy and Dan share a "will they or won't they" moment.

Director and Writers

Director: Chris Addison
Story by: Lew Morton
Teleplay by:


Selina: So figure that out and call me right back. I'm at Walter Reed. I'm meeting troops and shaking (pause) God only knows what.

Dan: She's changed her mind more times than a frickin' child molester at Disneyland.

Selina: Seriously, I'm more Hispanic than she is. You know? Where's she from, Santo Connecticut?
Ben: She summers in Vinyardo Del Martha.

Sue: Chinese hackers have breached White House employee files.
Selina: Maybe they can find out what some of these people are doing.
Gary: Ooh, tell me about it.

Ben: What in the lunatic f**k is the master cleanse? Sounds like Nazi domestic policy.
Kent: Little known fact about the Nazis. Their polling numbers within Germany, through the roof. Unbelievable numbers. (pause) Though also tragic.
Ben: The Jewish demo couldn't have been that good.

Richard: I could email you, or you could email me at splett2 at splettnet dot net. Splett1 is my father.

Bob: Lookie here. Ben Cafferty all grown up. We used to have a million nicknames for this guy. We called him Fatty Dicksuckle and B-B-Benny and the Jizz. Buttf**ker.
Ben: Buttf**ker, that's me. I can't believe you remembered my nickname.

Dan: After f**k, that is a comma. So it doesn't say "F**k Selina Meyer. "It says, you know, "F**k, Selina Meyer!"

Jonah: Genuine crocodile skin. Yeah, I'm gonna be pulling down Clint Eastwood cowboy movie style pussy in these things. Except I'm not the man with no name. I'm the man with mo' game.

Jonah: Can Paul McCartney teach Kid Rock how to be a good songwriter? I mean, that's a bad example. Kid Rock rules...

Selina: How is Susan?
Gary: (whispering) He's divorced.
Selina: Not in jail for what she did to you.

Richard: You should read C.S. Lewis's book on grief. It's not as fun as "The Lion, Witch, and the Wardrobe" series, - but it's still pretty good.

Sue: You have a meeting with Olympic medalists in five.
Selina: Special or normal?
Sue: Well, they seemed normal, but I'll confirm.

Ben: Ma'am, I don't think right now would be the best time for another banking task force.
Selina: No, I just want to have a quick banking task force.
Ben: With all due respect, ma'am, you know, the banks will still be, you know, raring to go for a task force, you know, when you're safely reelected.
Selina: I'm human, okay? I just I just sometimes need a little banking task force.
Ben: Well, ma'am, if you want, I can arrange a more discreet banking task force.
Selina: I don't want that kind of banking task force. I want the banking task force that I want.
Kent: What about Patty Driscoll from Deutsche Bank? She's very good. Might be nice to throw a woman in the mix.

Sue: Ma'am, Tom James is here sans appointment.
Selina: Bleh. Can you go tell him to f**k a bag of glass or something?

Selina: Hey, I'm gonna be president, so I can go take a shit in the Rose Garden if I want to.
Ben: We used to call that a Jimmy Carter.

Sophie: What happens in Vegas, it stays in Vegas.
Amy: We're not in Vegas.

Ben: You know, I was over in the East Wing and I saw a painting of Sue holding George Washington's horse.

Selina: He f**ked me and then he f**ked me? What, is he trying to f**k me?
Gary: I bet he's really sorry.

Dan: Remind me again what it is that you do that's so interesting.
Sophie: I work at CVS.
Dan: Really? CBS? I would love to work at CBS.

Amy: (texts) "Nightcap?"
Amy: (texts) "Nightcap?"
Amy: (texts) "Where r u?"
Amy: (texts) "Never mind going to bed"
Amy: (texts) "Nightcap?"
Ben: 23 messages? A nightcap? (texts) "I'm in DC".

Notes and Trivia





StarringJulia Louis-DreyfusSelina Meyer
StarringAnna ChlumskyAmy Brookheimer
StarringTony HaleGary Walsh
StarringReid ScottDan Egan
StarringTimothy SimonsJonah Ryan
StarringMatt WalshMike McLintock
StarringKevin DunnBen Cafferty
StarringSufe BradshawSue Wilson
StarringGary ColeKent Davison
StarringSam RichardsonRichard Splett
Guest StarringHugh LaurieTom James
Guest StarringDan BakkedahlRoger Furlong
Guest StarringMartin MullBob Bradley
Guest StarringJohn SlatteryCharlie Baird
Guest StarringCraig CackowskiCliff
Guest StarringBrian HuskeyLeon West
Guest StarringMary Catherine GarrisonSophie Brookheimer
Guest StarringNelson FranklinWill
Guest StarringBrad LelandBill O'Brien
Guest StarringMatt ObergNevada Secretary of State
Guest StarringAndrea SavageLaura Montez
Guest StarringSarah SutherlandCatherine Meyer
Guest StarringWayne WildersonWayne
Guest StarringHarris YulinJames Whitman
Co-StarringJose Antonio
Co-StarringCormac BluestoneDC Reporter #2
Co-StarringJon Barinholtz
Co-StarringBarbara Bennet
Co-StarringLouise BennettCNN Newswoman
Co-StarringBonnie BentleyStaffer
Co-StarringDeb HiettWhite House Reporter #1
Co-StarringSasha Issenberg
Co-StarringMegan Grano
Co-StarringEmma Jacobson-SiveElizabeth Moorehouse
Co-StarringGil GlasgowElection Official #1
Co-StarringAdam Lustick
Co-StarringCoco Leigh
Co-StarringHeather McPhaulTracy
Co-StarringHazel Anne RaymundoJournalist
Co-StarringBob RumnockElection Official #6
Co-StarringSarah SiadatReporter #3
Co-StarringJenny Schmidt
Co-StarringJim TitusReporter #1
Co-StarringCarolyn WilsonElection Official #2