S05E05 - Thanksgiving

No: 43  |   Season: 5   Episode:  |   Air Date: 22-May-16  

DoesnDoesn't she look amazing!


Selina celebrates Thanksgiving in her own special way. Ben and Kent manage a Thanksgiving Day crisis, deploying Tom James and VP Doyle to make statements in Selina's absence. Ben sends Dan to work for Tom James.

Director and Writers

Director: Chris Addison
Story by: Sean Gray & Georgia Pritchett & Will Smith
Teleplay by:


Sue: Latest from Treasury is housing starts are down and unemployment's up.
Selina: Any chance we can switch those?
Sue: I'll turn the graphs upside down.

Selina: I've got to call all of these Congress people. Whip the vote. You understand that. Mommy's got to whip. Whip it good.

Jonah: You see the picture of Grover Cleveland? Is that a tear in his eye because he knows the rules aren't being respected?

Dan: You know, Jonah, I hope you die a horrible death choking on a red, glistening dog dick. Have a lovely Thanksgiving, Mrs. Ryan.

Selina: My eyelids are seriously starting to look like Keith Richards' ball sack.
Gary: Oh, please. He wishes.

Selina: ...and I'll look 10 years younger!
Gary: That would make you a baby.

Mike: I hate to admit it, but sometimes I'm scared of Wendy.
Ben: She still has a great rack, though.

Gary: She just had 10 years taken off her eyes.
Selina: Yes.
Ben: Well, I don't think they left yet.

Selina: What are you asking him for? (referring to Gary) He's not a doctor. I mean, he doesn't have any academic qualifications to speak of.
Gary: Well, I have a bachelor's degree in hotel management from Cornell University.
Selina: No, you don't.

Gary: (touches Selina's hand) It's okay. It's okay.
Selina: (scolding) Please don't keep touching me every day.

Ben: She's not not incapacitated. She's just not fully capacitated.

Mike: Hey, do you guys know a luxurious but super cheap hotel?
Ben: Yeah, in the Philippines.

Tom: Any news on Sherman?
Dan: CNN and Fox both say he's critical, but Fox says it with blonder hair and bigger tits.

Doyle: Seriously, I know he says he loves you, but if you don't press charges, he's gonna kill you someday.
Selina: I love it. Domestic abuse jokes. They just tickle me.

Dan: Look, I've got to run something by you.
Amy: I fully support your decision to live as an ugly woman.

Jeff: (Speaking to Kent) Excuse me? You don't give me names, Beardo. I give you names. So take your list, roll it up real tiny, attach it to the leg of a carrier pigeon, and have it fly up tubby's dick. (Referring to Ben)

Jonah: Ain't a challenge been invented Jonah Ryan can't do.
Richard: Ice bucket challenge. You backed out of that.
Jonah: Ice bucket challenge can suck my dick.
Richard: Well, it did raise a lot of awareness for whatever ALS is.

Selina: Somewhere in the world there's a woman exactly my age getting her *ussy eaten and I'm stuck here watching this.

Notes and Trivia





StarringJulia Louis-DreyfusSelina Meyer
StarringAnna ChlumskyAmy Brookheimer
StarringTony HaleGary Walsh
StarringReid ScottDan Egan
StarringTimothy SimonsJonah Ryan
StarringMatt WalshMike McLintock
StarringKevin DunnBen Cafferty
StarringSufe BradshawSue Wilson
StarringGary ColeKent Davison
StarringSam RichardsonRichard Splett
Guest StarringHugh LaurieTom James
Guest StarringEvan ArnoldWH Reporter #5
Guest StarringClea DuvallMarjorie Palmiotti
Guest StarringMary Catherine GarrisonSophie Brookheimer
Guest StarringNancy LenehanMs. Ryan
Guest StarringPeter MacNicolUncle Jeff
Guest StarringSeth Morris
Guest StarringKathy NajimyWendy Keegan
Guest StarringJim O'HeirMr. Brookheimer
Guest StarringPhil ReevesAndrew Doyle
Guest StarringSarah SutherlandCatherine Meyer
Co-StarringDean AustinCaptain
Co-StarringExie BookerAndy Secret Services Guy
Co-StarringJonathan BrayWhite House Security
Co-StarringTodd Aaron BrotzeDr. Abernathy
Co-StarringKathleen Mary CarthyPoultry Association Woman
Co-StarringDrew DaytonSophie's Son
Co-StarringBen Harris
Co-StarringKelly MummeDeborah
Co-StarringJ. Anthony PenaStage Manager
Co-StarringGita Pullapilly
Co-StarringLisa RobbinsMrs. Brookheimer
Co-StarringKe'Andra SamoneCassie
Co-StarringJean Villepique
Co-StarringDavid Weisenberg
Co-StarringJames Wong