S05E06 - C**tgate

No: 44  |   Season: 5   Episode:  |   Air Date: 29-May-16  

SheShe's becoming seriously unhinged. She has gone full metal Nixon.


With the U.S. on the brink of a major financial meltdown, Selina must make an important decision. Jonah finds himself back in New Hampshire. Amy investigates the staff, and Catherine (Sarah Sutherland) tries to get time with Selina to share major news.

Director and Writers

Director: Brad Hall
Story by: Georgia Pritchett & Will Smith
Teleplay by:


Tom: So, next up on the hit parade, we get to decide which banks to bail out.
Selina: Well, I hope to fiscal f**k the fed has a trillion dollars stuffed in a mattress somewhere.

Selina: At least when Truman made the decision to drop the bomb, he wasn't f**king anyone in Hiroshima.
Ben: That we know of.

Selina: We need a Jonah whisperer, except somebody who's gonna, like, yell in his face and call him stupid.

Mike: Hey, how about an $80 in-home massage for 40 bucks?
Dan: With release?
Mike: No.
Dan: Then what's the point?

Jonah: Are you even getting any of this?
Catherine: Getting what?
Jonah: I was looking thoughtfully out the window. Some straight up JFK level shit.
Catherine: I was just getting some B-roll of the fax machine.

Selina: What would you guys do if you had to choose between your c**k and your balls?
Ben: I could lose them both. I mean, at this stage they're purely decorative.

Bill Ericsson: Tell the president no hard feelings. Oh, wait, that's right. I do have hard feelings. I'm consumed by them.

Leon: You should watch out, Amy. You don't want to be the face of C**tgate. Although you do have the perfect face for it.

Richard: Some bands we haven't used have sent some preemptive cease-and-desist orders. Sting, Bruce Springsteen... sent two letters, actually... and Enya.
Jonah: Enya? Send her a f**king cease-and-desist letter.

Tom: If we don't put a plan into action tomorrow morning, then by Monday we will be Greece. The country, not the musical.

Ben: I got an idea. You can clear your head out and have a little fun at the same time.
Selina: What?
Ben: Yeah, I'll call Jonah and Dan and you can tear them a six-pack of new assholes.
Selina: Oh, that does sound like fun.
(Ben makes the call)
Ben: Dan, you're on with the president.
Selina: Dan, I cannot f**king believe how terrible you are at your job. What, are you running on a platform of higher taxes and episiotomies?
Dan: Ma'am, we just... we need a little time.
Selina: Put that world's tallest pile of garbage on the phone right now.
Dan: It's the president. (hands the phone to Jonah)
Jonah: Hello, ma'am.
Selina: Hey, hunchback. I don't know what you've been doing instead of trying to win, but I'm gonna guess that it has the word anal in it. Now, you learn to control your co**sucking temper, otherwise I'm gonna come up there myself and I'm gonna shoot you in your f**king mouth.

Amy: (referring to Selina) She's becoming seriously unhinged. She has gone full metal Nixon.

Ben: Who do you think said it?
Amy: Well, we did. Me and Mike.
Ben: Oh, my God. I thought it was me.
Mike: No way.
Ben: No, I'm pretty sure I called her a c**t to the reporter who broke the story.
(Kent enters)
Kent: Amy, it's probable that your investigation has already determined that I was the one that called her a c**t. I'm hoping that my utility to the organization gives you reason to protect me on this. Also our friendship.
(Gary enters)
Gary: Hey, Ben?
Ben: Gary.
Gary: It was me. I called the president the C word.
Ben: No, you didn't.
Amy: Really?
Gary: I was so mad about her not wearing sunscreen, which is stupid, and I was like, "What an old crone."
Amy: A what?
Gary: An old crone, Amy.
Amy: Gary, C is for c**t.
Gary: What?
Amy: We all called her a c**t.
Gary: Oh, my God! What is wrong with you people?

Notes and Trivia

Brad Hall, the director of this episode, is married to Julia Louis-Dreyfus in real life.




StarringJulia Louis-DreyfusSelina Meyer
StarringAnna ChlumskyAmy Brookheimer
StarringTony HaleGary Walsh
StarringReid ScottDan Egan
StarringTimothy SimonsJonah Ryan
StarringMatt WalshMike McLintock
StarringKevin DunnBen Cafferty
StarringSufe BradshawSue Wilson
StarringGary ColeKent Davison
StarringSam RichardsonRichard Splett
Guest StarringHugh LaurieTom James
Guest StarringJohn SlatteryCharlie Baird
Guest StarringDiedrich BaderBill Ericsson
Guest StarringK CallanJudy Sherman
Guest StarringJamie DenboFocus Group Leader
Guest StarringClea DuVallMarjorie Palmiotti
Guest StarringPeter GroszSidney Purcell
Guest StarringBrian HuskeyLeon West
Guest StarringTodd JeffriesFocus Group Member
Guest StarringNancy LenehanMrs. Ryan
Guest StarringPeter MacNicolJeff Kane
Guest StarringLennon ParhamKaren Collins
Guest StarringDavid RascheJim Marwood
Guest StarringJohn Ross BowieFocus Group Member
Guest StarringSarah SutherlandCatherine Meyer
Guest StarringWayne WildersonWayne
Co-StarringLindsay BurdgeReporter
Co-StarringLauri HendlerHeckler
Co-StarringNancy LantisFocus Group Member
Co-StarringJamie Donnelly
Co-StarringMurphy DunneFocus Group Member
Co-StarringArvin LeeKorean BBQ Host
Co-StarringJay PennickHeckler
Co-StarringBuckley SampsonFocus Group Member
Co-StarringMorgan SmithCandi Caruso
Co-StarringJean VillepiqueNY Times Reporter
Co-StarringAlison WhiteFocus Group Member
Co-StarringKaren Malina WhiteKimberly
Co-StarringJames WongJames