S05E09 - Kissing Your Sister

No: 47  |   Season: 5   Episode:  |   Air Date: 19-Jun-16  

Excuse me, should this be deeper?Excuse me, should this be deeper?


Catherine showcases her documentary, as a House of Representatives vote to determine who will be President ends in an unprecedented tie.

Director and Writers

Director: David Mandel
Story by: Erik Kenward
Teleplay by:


Selina: All right, here we go. Alabama first in the alphabet, last in every other f**king thing.
Ben: I believe it's number one in easiest state to get away with murdering a black guy.

Catherine: While the public will always remember me as the little girl who fell off the stage twice in one evening, I'm a grown woman now with my own passions and interests.

Selina: President Nixon entered the room and, you know, he had his bow tie and his eyebrows. Daddy leaned in to me and he said, "You know, a lot of people don't like Nixon, but by God, they respect him. And that's you, peanut."

Jonah: You gotta come get me.
Richard: Okay, just drop a pin in Apple Maps and...
Jonah: I don't know how to drop a f**king pin.
Richard: Well, it's a really intuitive feature. Do you have iOS 9.2.3?

Tom: Did you ever play sports? Remember how no one ever wanted to play catcher? Playing catcher is kind of like being the economy czar. There's not a lot of glory, but a lot of squatting. A lot of asses in your face.

Bill Erickson: (to Catherine) At night when I dare to close my eyes, I dream about your mother losing and then coming upon her holding a cardboard sign at the bottom of a highway exit ramp. Now, if I were Tom James, I would just try to get three states to abstain and then it would go to the Senate, serving the president the most abject humiliation in the history of the United States. Oh, you know what the cardboard sign says?
Catherine: What does it say?
Bill Erickson: It says, "I'm so sorry, Bill Ericsson."

Selina: Well, I'll give you this... Candi Caruso would not eat this amount of shit.
Amy: Unless afterward she went into a bathroom stall and used the old two-fingered wood chipper.
Selina: Why would I want to stand next to a twig like that all day when I can stand next to you?

Selina: (to Catherine) No, darling, I didn't go to a mental hospital. I went to a spa.

Selina: (on the phone) Jonah, can you hear me?
Jonah: Yes, ma'am.
Selina: You listen to me, all right? You are already dead. What you do now you do for your family. You get yourself in there and you vote for me!

Selina: (Referring to her Mother's grave) It doesn't seem that deep. (To the Minister) Excuse me, should this be deeper?

Catherine: Have you ever lost a grandparent?
Dan: All my grandparents are dead. Wait. Um, no. One or two might still be alive.

Mike: We were really disappointed about the Chinese adoption sanctions. That... but on the bright side, I turned the nursery into a man cave for me. I mean, surround sound, 55-inch television screen. It actually cost the same as the kid, so it works out. I can't wait for Wendy to see it. She is gonna... possibly like it.

Dan: (to Catherine) Actually, I got a question for you. Is it weird going hallway to hallway with your mom's twin?

Dan: (to Richard) Get the Hunchback of Notre Hampshire down to the floor.

Selina: I trust the American people to make the right decision.
Catherine: What if you think they're gonna make a certain decision and they make a different decision and then it completely derails what you thought was gonna happen? And then your plans are different. (starts crying over her breakup with Marjorie)
Selina: Oh, honey, don't cry. Mommy's gonna get elected, honey.

Selina: My God, in 12 years, I'm gonna be a shriveled-up can of ass. Seriously, I can't... I mean, my political window just slams shut the second I can't wear sleeveless dresses.

Catherine: How would you describe Gary Walsh?
Gary: A kind person.
Furlong: Truck stop glory hole.
Mike: Can do a handstand still.

Notes and Trivia





StarringJulia Louis-DreyfusSelina Meyer
StarringAnna ChlumskyAmy Brookheimer
StarringTony HaleGary Walsh
StarringReid ScottDan Egan
StarringTimothy SimonsJonah Ryan
StarringMatt WalshMike McLintock
StarringKevin DunnBen Cafferty
StarringSufe BradshawSue Wilson
StarringGary ColeKent Davison
StarringSam RichardsonRichard Splett
Guest StarringDan BakkedahlRoger Furlong
Guest StarringHugh LaurieTom James
Guest StarringPhil ReevesAndrew Doyle
Guest StarringJohn SlatteryCharlie Baird
Guest StarringScott AdsitGreg
Guest StarringDiedrich BaderBill Ericsson
Guest StarringLauren BowlesMonica
Guest StarringClea DuVallMarjorie Palmiotti
Guest StarringNelson FranklinWill
Guest StarringNigel GibbsKeith
Guest StarringPeter GroszSidney Purcell
Guest StarringPhil LaMarrPaul Graves
Guest StarringPeter MacNicolJeff Kane
Guest StarringJ.P. ManouxCongressman Clark
Guest StarringSumalee MontanoJoyce Cafferty
Guest StarringBrian Doyle-MurrayGeorge Huntzinger
Guest StarringRandall ParkDanny Chung
Guest StarringDavid PasquesiAndrew Meyer
Guest StarringDavid RascheJim Marwood
Guest StarringSarah SutherlandCatherine Meyer
Guest StarringWayne WildersonWayne
Co-StarringLaVonne Rae AndrewsMarjorie's Grandma
Co-StarringEmily BuntynWhite House Tour Guide
Co-StarringLuis Caballero
Co-StarringChristopher Carlson
Co-StarringSaginaw GrantMarjorie's Grandpa
Co-StarringSybil HarrisTamara Lipton
Co-StarringMeryl HathawayNews Reporter #1
Co-StarringPolly HumphreysCongresswoman Hayes
Co-StarringDamone Paul JacksonCongressman Sefton
Co-StarringDavid JoynerCongress Clerk
Co-StarringPhil LevesqueMarjorie's Dad
Co-StarringJane MacfieTourist Woman
Co-StarringJonathan Mankuta
Co-StarringMauricio OvalleEl Cabeza
Co-StarringDamion Poitier
Co-StarringGita PullapillyNews Anchor
Co-StarringCaroline RedekoppMarjorie's Mom
Co-StarringTroy VincentCongressman Cotterill
Co-StarringShannon WellesCatherine Eaton