S06E05 - Chicklet

No: 53  |   Season: 6   Episode:  |   Air Date: 14-May-2017  

Trust me Amy, it was not the heart attack that depressed your dad.Trust me Amy, it was not the heart attack that depressed your dad.


Selina settles on a location for her presidential library. Dan lands in a gossip column. Mike and Selina work on her book. Jonah tries to cement a big donation. Gary manages a mini-crisis at Madame Tussauds.

Director and Writers

Director: Beth McCarthy-Miller
Story by: Gabrielle Allan, Jennifer Crittenden
Teleplay by:


Selina: Every president since FDR has had a goddamn library, okay? Even that sanctimonious fraud Carter had a library.

Selina: I love this T-shirt, too. It's just so happy and wonderful! (CROWD CHEERING) Bye-bye! Thank you! Thank you.
(walks around the corner)
Selina: Get this T-shirt off of me. I look like I'm trying out for "The Price is Right."

Selina: Just do it before I melt down that whole collection and use it to wax Madame Tussauds' big, fat, nasty snatch!

Andrew: Hey, Mike, sorry. I gotta get running. But your investment is doing well.
Mike: I've never gotten a statement.
Andrew: Here's a statement your investment is doing quite well.

Jonah: I've been underestimated my entire life. Failure to thrive at birth fu** that. Puberty at 19. When it hit, it hit like a fu**ing thunderbolt. Third grade reading level in the tenth grade. Everything that I have been through in my entire life has only made me stronger and taller.

Richard: I can't believe I'm gonna be a father! A lot of responsibility.
Marjorie: You just signed away all responsibility.
Richard: I've never done this before.
Marjorie: You just go in the room and...
Richard: Uh, I've never shook the devil's hand.
Marjorie: Oh! - You mean masturbate?
Richard: Oh, self-husband. Does it hurt?
Catherine: Oh, no, Richard. It doesn't hurt.
Marjorie: No, but how is that possible?
Richard: Well, my family in Iowa was pretty religious. Grandma Splett always said that self-pleasure was a sin like microwaves or laughter.
Catherine: Do you need a minute or?
Richard: No. Worse comes to worst, I'll burn in hell like Grandma Splett.
Catherine: You know what? He has a really good heart.
Richard: I'm sorry, I'm still understanding how the cup comes into play.
Catherine: Oh, you you just have to aim and and what...
Richard: How many of these do I need to fill up?
Catherine: Yeah, no, you just have to do one.
Richard: Just one? Okay. I think that'll be easier. How will I know when I'm done? You know, I'll figure it out. I'll probably figure it out.

Shawnee: (to Jonah) I chose your outfit for the day, but I'm donating the rest of your suits to a charity for rescued circus giraffes.

Jonah: Did my missing ball freak you out?
Shawnee: Honestly, it was one less thing to worry about.

Amy: (to Gary) You're as useless as a dick at a roller derby.

Dan: It would be uncharted territory for me. Sort of like Indiana Jones, I guess. Digging my way through the ancient ruins, hacking my way past the crazy cobwebs and snakes and shit, hoping my face doesn't melt when I open her up.

Kent: All right, the treasury secretary is meeting with House leadership about a hard date for the debt ceiling.
Jonah: Why do we always have to raise the ceiling?
Ben: So you don't scrape your head, you giant barbecue fork.

Kent: (to Jonah) Refer to your color-coded chart. I've become close with a woman at Kinko's who makes educational materials for preschoolers

Kent: The female form is a formidable adversary.
Ben: Well, ironically, I have bigger tits.

Selina: I'm gonna turn Mee-Maw's house into the Selina Meyer Presidential Birthplace and Library.
Richard: Just like FDR.
Selina: Yes!
Catherine: But wasn't Mee-Maw living in Palm Beach when you were born?
Selina: Catherine, I don't know! I was a baby.

Notes and Trivia





StarringJulia Louis-DreyfusSelina Meyer
StarringAnna ChlumskyAmy Brookheimer
StarringTony HaleGary Walsh
StarringReid ScottDan Egan
StarringTimothy SimonsJonah Ryan
StarringMatt WalshMike McLintock
StarringKevin DunnBen Cafferty
StarringGary ColeKent Davison
StarringSam RichardsonRichard Splett
Guest StarringSarah SutherlandCatherine Meyer
Guest StarringMargaret ColinJane McCabe
Guest StarringIndia de BeaufortBrie Ramachandran
Guest StarringBrian Doyle-MurrayGeorge Huntzinger
Guest StarringClea DuVallMarjorie Palmiotti
Guest StarringJonathan HadarySherman Tanz
Guest StarringMary HollandShawnee Tanz
Guest StarringDavid PasquesiAndrew Meyer
Guest StarringPaul ScheerStevie
Co-StarringIlana GuralnikLia Tanz
Co-StarringSusan IsaacsDr. Diane
Co-StarringNirmal RayBodega Clerk