S06E09 - A Woman First

No: 57  |   Season: 6   Episode:  |   Air Date: 18-Jun-2017  

I can be very flirtatious.I can be very flirtatious.


Selina's book finally arrives; Jonah has a big meeting; Dan, Ben and Kent grab a drink.

Director and Writers

Director: Brad Hall
Story by: Erik Kenward
Teleplay by:


Selina: Why doesn't everybody just go to St. Bart's? I miss it already.
Jaffar: It was so romantic. Just the two of us... and Gary.
Gary: So passionate.

Marjorie: Catherine's on bed rest. She's been diagnosed with an incompetent cervix.
Selina: Well, why should her cervix be any different than the rest of her?

Marjorie: Before you even ask, we have taken a break from sex, specifically penetrative sex.
Gary: (aside) She has a penis?
Selina: I don't know.

Selina: My book, my book, my book!
Mike: Fresh off the presses. Finally getting paid.
Selina: Well, we'll see.

Jonah: (About Selina's book) Are you fu**ing kidding? I'm not in here. I ruined her administration, like, four times. You'd think that'd count for something.

Shawnee: Jonah, I just saw the latest polls. The shutdown really hurt you in Massachusetts' anus.
Kent: AKA New Hampshire.

Jonah: I'm only up five on Skeevy Deevy? I went to summer camp with that dude and he was too afraid to get changed in front of the other boys.
Shawnee: I thought that was you.
Jonah: No, I'm pretty sure it was him.
Kent: It was you.

Selina: This isn't an article, this is a gang bang on a pinball machine! Who despises me like this?!
Amy: Well, there's President Montez, Tom James...
Mike: The White House maids, the steward...
Richard: White working class voters...
Gary: Nobody! Everybody loves you!

Selina: Mike? What have you and your 47 tangled chromosomes done?!

Kent: Let's go, Congressman. Wanna play a game of Horse?
Jonah: Yes, I would like that very much.
Kent: (sinks a basket) Boom goes the dynamite.
Jonah: You're fired.
Kent: Yes!

Gary: They should not be allowed to call that stuff tea. That's what I think.
Selina: You know what I think? You sound like the world's gayest AM radio show.

Selina: What do you want?
Leon: I think the Pulitzer I'm going to get from this is good enough for me, so good evening.
Selina: You can have Amy.
Leon: Wait, I don't understand.
Selina: You can have her. (raises eyebrows) Probably better from behind, though, you know.

Amy: It is beyond a dump. It is a toxic infant blowout out both diaper legs and up the back of the onesie.

Selina: From the moment I have left office, it has been nothing but a giant slalom down Mount McRimjob, brown diamond.

Dan: I thought about teaching high school, but, I mean, girls these days just can't keep a secret.

Selina: Well, the history books are being rewritten, and this time, it's not Texas saying Satan made fossils.

Richard: Ma'am, we're getting requests for confirmation from all the big Tibetan papers, except for the "Lhasa Express," though. They're playing their usual games.

Amy: Montez is not gonna be happy.
Selina: It's gonna put a real turd in her chalupa.
Mike: Oh, we should get Mexican for lunch.

Kent: I've been fired three times in my life: from the US Postal Service Office of Investigations, by the Seattle Seahawks, and by Jonah Ryan. I cried each time. This time, it was tears of joy.

Doctor: If you notice any swelling, let me know, and no erection for six weeks.
Jonah: Well, I don't know how I'm not gonna get it hard when I'm talking about my hog with some hot "shiska" nurse.
Doctor: I'm your doctor, and it's shiksa.

Shanee: At least your dick won't smell like donkey pussy anymore.
Jonah: Oh, God, I told you that was expired lube.

Jeff: (to Jonah) Shut the fu** up, you epileptic Picasso painting!

Shawnee: Jonah, I have been thinking, um, you know, I think I wanna slow things down with us.
Jonah: Okay, yeah, that makes sense. My teachers had to do that all the time.
Shawnee: No, with us you and me.

Shawnee: I've been having doubts for a little while.
Jonah: What do you mean a little while? What the fu** does that even mean? Is that before or after I scheduled the surgery to cut my dick off so you could marry me?

Notes and Trivia





StarringJulia Louis-DreyfusSelina Meyer
StarringAnna ChlumskyAmy Brookheimer
StarringTony HaleGary Walsh
StarringReid ScottDan Egan
StarringTimothy SimonsJonah Ryan
StarringMatt WalshMike McLintock
StarringKevin DunnBen Cafferty
StarringGary ColeKent Davison
StarringSam RichardsonRichard Splett
Guest StarringDan BakkedahlRoger Furlong
Guest StarringSarah SutherlandCatherine Meyer
Guest StarringUsman AllyMohammed Al Jaffar
Guest StarringDiedrich BaderBill Ericsson
Guest StarringJessica ChaffinCongresswoman Gellardi
Guest StarringMargaret ColinJane McCabe
Guest StarringEugene CorderoBuzzy Kanahale
Guest StarringIndia de BeaufortBrie Ramachandran
Guest StarringClea DuVallMarjorie Palmiotti
Guest StarringNelson FranklinWill
Guest StarringJonathan HadarySherman Tanz
Guest StarringMary HollandShawnee Tanz
Guest StarringBrian HuskeyLeon West
Guest StarringPhil LaMarrPaul Graves
Guest StarringPeter MacNicolJeff Kane
Guest StarringJ.P. ManouxCongressman Clark
Guest StarringSeth MorrisBill Jaeger
Guest StarringPaul ScheerStevie
Guest StarringAdam ScottTonight Show Host
Co-StarringElla Jay BascoElla
Co-StarringElliot DeckerElliot
Co-StarringLeah HuebnerBethany
Co-StarringRuby MatenkoRuby
Co-StarringAbbey McBrideDr. Walcott
Co-StarringSawyer MostellerSawyer
Co-StarringMelany OchoaMelany